Only If For A Night
by murdur
Summary: What would she change if she could go back in time? Post-Endgame Loki/Sif


For Sifki Week 2019. Day 2 prompt: Time Travel

Set post Endgame in a scenario where the Avengers still have plenty of Pym Particles left and time travel is definitely a thing.

* * *

It had been many years since Sif had last set foot on Earth. Although, she had been sent here by Odin on an errand just a few weeks before she was sent to Niflheim, her final mission before the Event. It had all been a very confusing time, first she was in the realm of mist and ice, stalking a lindworm across glaciers and then suddenly she felt very sick, only vaguely aware of falling asleep. When she awoke there was no sign of the ice serpent and when she called out to the Bifrost, nothing happened.

Niflheim, being sparsely populated, had only a few ice fishing villages. It was there that she was told that 5 years had passed and that half of everything had turned to dust. She was stranded there for far too long, her distress signal going unanswered for a long time.

When she was finally picked up by a kind cargo crew from Lemista, it is longer still until she can buy herself a small ship and pilot across the cosmos, traveling at a much slower speed than the Bifrost granted her, a sense of dread growing in her gut with each passing week.

When she arrived home, or to where Asgard should have been, all she found is floating debris. Gone. Everything. Everyone. The next planet she docked at brought her stories of Ragnarok and world ending destruction. Her gathered information stated that all of Asgard was lost before the Event. She lost another week to a bender, drinking herself stupid in the nearest bar.

When her head stopped pounding, she returned to her ship and pointed it towards the only planet she could think of, crashing down in that familiar desert and yelling until someone brought her Jane Foster.

From there, much to her surprise and delight, she was brought to New Asgard and welcomed with open arms by the Asgardian and Sakaraan refugees. Thor, with his hair and beard grown long and his belly round, embraced her long and hard. He spent hours recounting all the events of the past several years to her: the loss of their friends, the loss of their home, the lost war, Loki.

Sif could not cry, could hardly feel anything. Everything felt both distant and dull and yet oddly sharp in her chest. She listened in awe when he recounted seeing his mother again and the strength it gave him. She smiled and praised Thor and his new friends for their clever victory over the mad Titan, trying not to feel mourning over her absences and uselessness.

Everyone here had had a purpose, a role. They had closure.

She did not.

She waited until he was gone, traveling with the odd group who called themselves Guardians. She could not explain exactly why she didn't tell him of her plan, but she didn't want him to see any pity in his face, didn't want him to talk her out of it, or offer to help. She wanted to do it alone.

"You changing the past won't change the future, our now. It will just create a splinter," the man of ants, Scott Lang, explained to her again. "It doesn't bring anybody back."

"Yes, I understand," she repeated. For at least the third time.

"I don't understand the purpose," the creature that was part green beast and part human sighed. "Traveling through the quantum realm is dangerous. This isn't something that should be risked without a plan and an objective."

"I just want..." Sif smiled and tried again, "I need to say goodbye."

Banner and Lang exchanged glances but she kept her face calm, daring them to challenge, or worse, pity her.

"Of course," Lang placed a hand on her shoulder in kindness. "Let's suit you up."

When she landed on her feet again it was nearly 10 years in the past with golden tile beneath her boots. The air smelled sweet and fresh, firelight casting a warm glow upon the palace walls. She was in Asgard. She was home.

She could have cried with happiness and sorrow in the moment but she righted herself quickly, changing out of the suit and into her familiar armor. Crouched down behind a column, she waited. When she saw herself (did her hair look like that from the back?) stroll by on the way to retrieve Jane Foster, she knocked her past-self out cold with the hilt of her sword. Ignoring the strange sensation of looking at and touching her double, she hid the body, her body, behind the golden column and threw the fur cape over her shoulders. She quickly ran down the corridors, savoring the feeling of having a purpose.

"I'm not hungry," Jane stated to the guard. Sif took her cue, easily knocking down the two Einherjar.

"Good. Let's go," she nodded her head towards the corridor. She led Jane down the long hallway, each step bringing her closer to her objective. Her stomach roiled with excitement and apprehension. When they finally rounded a corner, the brothers came into view.

Sif slowed her steps, breathing deeply to calm her nerves. Jane, on the other hand, quickened her speed, planting herself in front of Loki and slapping him hard across the face.

Loki. Loki, alive. Loki full of anger and pain and sarcasm.

He looked so familiar and yet so different. Different than the Loki she grew up with, matured with. Fought in the training yards and tumbled in bed with. The Loki that she loved and the one that loved her in shadowed corners and secret touches. This Loki was broken and betrayed. But he was her Loki, still.

She could not help but stare. If only her former self had recognized that this would be their last moment together. But she could not dwell, could not stay planted. She knew her time was limited, a group of Einherjar approach on Odin's order and she could not linger.

"I'll hold them off," Sif grabbed Thor and nodded towards Jane. "Take her."

"Thank you," Thor said sincerely. So young and naive. In pain already and yet unaware of what more tragedy laid ahead, what horrors were to come.

But that was not why she was here. When Loki made to follow, Sif raised her sword at his throat, stopping him in his tracks and tipping his head back. The exposed column of his long, pale neck was such a pretty sight.

"I forgive you," she said fiercely.

Loki laughed, looking smug. "It's good to see you too, Sif."

"I'm sorry, Loki," she pressed on. "I'm proud of you. Or I will be." Loki turned to her, obviously confused. She let her blade drop with a clatter to the floor and grabbed him by the collar. He looked like a cornered animal, a sudden wild look in his eyes.

"And... I'll always love you. I've never stopped and I never will. I need you to know that. Just... remember that, won't you?"

Loki was frozen in front of her. Speechless, dumbfounded. Gaping at her. There was something in his eyes that shifted, confusion to something else. She shook him, feeling the royal guard near.

"Promise me, Loki!"

"I promise. I promise!" he blurted and she saw the truth of it in his eyes.

She kissed him then, soft and fierce and tender and mournful, and much shorter than she wished. Gasping for breath, she pushed him away. Towards Thor. Towards his second death and his eventual redemption and untimely end.

"Go. Go!"

He stumbled, taking a few hesitant steps backwards, his eyes searching her face. A grin spread across his clever mouth before he nodded at her.

"See you soon, my lady."

She smiled too, making a shooing motion before retrieving her blade, watching him turn and run towards the awaiting ship.

When she turned to face the Einherjar, a tear slipped down her cheek. And then another. She let them flow. Her purpose fulfilled, closure obtained. She spun her sword to release the double blade, allowing the ship to make its escape from the palace, and this realm.

She was ready to go home, to Earth; satisfied in her mission and aware of a branch in space and time where Loki knows. Knows how she felt, then, now, and always. Happy to look towards the future that awaited her.


End file.
